It seems to be a month for steps forward and steps back.  Last week we had shabbat guests for the first time.  This time we went to a friend's house who was pregnant at the same time I was and had a healthy baby after we lost our little girl.

I was so scared to go.  I was not sure how I would handle the baby.  This baby who was suposed to be younger than my little girl.

I actually took it a lot better than I thought I would.  I was pretty high strung the whole shabbat, but when she was crying I even managed to hold her for a few minutes when no one else could get to her.  I went to my room after and cried, but not for long.

We are coming up on the one year mark of losing my Gabi.  Am I ever going to be able to look at a baby without crying again?