Thursday, April 14, 2011

One more thing.  About this "we are all upset, we are all crying with you, we are all grieving with you" nonsense.  I know you mean only the best, and I know each and every person who says it has only the best of intentions, but can we please put that line to rest once and for all.  You can be sad for me, you can grieve for what I lost, but no one, not even those closest to me can grieve WITH me.

*I* lost the life inside of me which I had spent every hour of the last 8 months looking after.  *I* am the one who gave up everything I had on my plate for 8 months.  *I* am the one who had surgery with no prise at the end- and *I* am the one who can not just pick up my life where I left off a few weeks ago and have everything go back to normal.

There *is* no normal for me now.  My dreams and plans for the future have been ripped out from under me.  I am slowly, very slowly, thread by thread trying to recreate the fabric that was my life- but pull on anyone too hard and the whole thing will unravel and leave me a knotted, twisted mess.

You would never go to a terminally ill patient and say I know exactly what you are going through and I am going through it with you.  It would be a parody of sympathy to even suggest such a thing.  Well what I have is terminal- it will never go away!  I will, and am, learning to deal with it, but unless you truly have been where I am standing, don't tell me you understand exactly what I am going through.

Cry for me.  Pray for me.  Wish for me.  For God's sake hold me and comfort me and tell me there is a light at the end of all this, but don't tell me you feel *my* pain.

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